The Launch

When people ask me what I do, I usually cough out an explanation along the lines of 'I'm working on my second novel,' because it's less pretentious than saying I'm a novelist (which I'm not), and it implies that when I'm finished with the manuscript, I'll go back into full-time employment. Well, I'm finished with the manuscript, and looking for a job.

I'm reminded of this as I take a seat at the launch of my friend's book, The Sun Hasn't Fallen From the Sky. It's her first, and already she has a deal with a major publisher, radio play, national reviews and an audio book, not to mention strong sales. And of course, an agent, who is sitting up on the stage with her, smiling proudly as Alison reads from her book.

I'm excited and nervous for her, and humbled by her writing. Her words make me wonder if mine are good enough, if my MS is worthy of an agent like hers, or the attention her book is getting. She's in a different stratum to me, and she has an agent, whom I eye greedily.

With one novel published and no agent, I'm a freak, worse than an unpublished author, and one whom some agents incorrectly assume has been vanity published. Published in vain, I want to say, but that's the complementary glass of wine talking. Sometimes, that first book is my albatross.

My own launch was a compact affair in the foyer of the publisher, with a small group of supporters, some balloons and a bowl of crisps, and which ended up in a pub full of ukulele players. This, in contrast, is by ticket only, in a large theatre in the public library, supported by the Propaganda Wing of the Arts Council. It's sold out, too. Alison deserves it, and despite the strong start her book is enjoying, she's keeping the day job, holding her nerve.

Nothing is at stake with the first book, especially when the world wants to read it. When you're writing your first book, you're afraid to take it too seriously, but by the time the second one rolls along, you're afraid not to. You ask yourself if the current story is as good as the last one, and hope it is, because by that point, you've invested so much.

I cheer her on, because I remember what it was like; first holding your book and wondering where it will lead. Listening to her agent and publishing editor speak about the unprecedented response the book has elicited from the media and the public, it's obvious it will take her far.

Afterwards she is beaming, signing books, agent and editor as standing off to the side, chatting, waiting for the queue to disperse. Do I go over and attempt to network? Nope.  It's Alison's night.